Taking Wing
by thehungergameswordsmith
Summary: The untold story of life in District 12, post Mockingjay, but pre-epilogue. Katniss and Peeta grow together, and Katniss puts to rest several of her demons continuing to plague her back in District 12. A Hunger Games fan fiction.
1. Chapter 1

I awaken with a start. It has only been a week since I've been back in 12. Memories rush into my brain, filling it with grief and terror and longing for all I've lost. I clutch the pale blue blankets in my cold, white hands. That's right. My life has no meaning anymore. Prim is dead. Gale is gone. Nobody I love seems to want to be around me anymore. I am alone most days now. What use is there to even get out of bed? Dr. Aurelius says I need to find meaning to be happy again. But what meaning can there be? Dark days, ashy visions melding into one another. I've seen Peeta a few times. Not often but sometimes. With Sae. She comes more often than not and he will tag along. I guess it's only when he has nothing better to do.

I slowly sit up, trying not to wake the cat. Buttercup is very alert and wakes easily. We haven't exactly become friends, but we don't despise each other so much anymore. I almost feel bad for throwing that pillow at him when he showed up a week or so ago.

My sluggish movements are quickly replaced by terror when I hear a sound in my hallway. Snow? Is it him?

_No_, I think to myself. Snow is dead. _Along with Prim and Finnick and others I care about_. _Cared_… I remind myself. Past tense. They are _gone_ and never coming back.

But, now is not the time for pondering what tense I should use. There is movement in my house, and it could be anything. I creep along the creaky, wooden floor, grabbing the axe I chop my wood with as I sneak out the bedroom door. I learned quickly that I feel safest sleeping with my bedroom door open, since then I don't have to make noise opening it if an intruder is to come into my dwelling.

Grasping the axe in my right hand, I try to make out in the shadows of early morning what is exactly in my home. I hear no growls or sneers. It can't be an animal. A ghost? Yes, I'm sure Prim would love to come haunt me for all eternity. I failed her. I failed everyone.

Flashbacks begin to overtake me. My body wracks with tremors, not of physical ailment but mental. When will I ever escape this constant torture? These times I wish I'd died in the first games?

I feel a soft, but firm hand on my shoulder as I go down to the floor.

_Oh, god. I'm going to die. I have no use of my body and someone is in my house. I'm going to die._

I scream as my body shakes and quivers, and I fall flat on my back. Someone is on top of me. Someone is going to strangle me.

"Shhh," I hear. "Shh, Katniss, it's going to be alright. I'm here. You're safe. It's just me."

Peeta hovers over me in push-up position.

I find myself clinging to him. My arms wrapped around his neck like a vise. I inch back as I gain control, "I-I'm sorry, Peeta. I didn't mean to startle you. I could have triggered a moment for you…" I trail off.

Despite all Peeta has gone through and all the lies he was fed about me, he still manages to overcome that and care for me anyhow. As Haymitch once said, I could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve him.

Just another debt I owe.

Peeta pulls back, even though I'm still glued to him, "It's alright, Katniss. You're safe. I'm safe. It's just another day." He looks off vacantly. Something is on his mind, and I suddenly need to know what it is.

"Peeta… Peeta tell me what's bothering you," I inquire cautiously, shifting so I can look him directly into his eyes. I still don't know why he's here before the sun has even risen, and I know that looking him directly in the eyes helps him to not go crazy. It's a way we share our souls with one another.

Peeta clasps my hand, "Katniss? Remember when you asked me to stay with you? On the train?" He always asks to make sure what he's remembering is real.

"Yes, Peeta, real." I say wondering where this is going.

Peeta again looks off, but I direct his face back towards mine gently, urging him to speak, "I was thinking that that time it made such a good arrangement that perhaps we could stay together again. It was a good arrangement, right?"

I smile softly, "Yes, Peeta, real. It was a wonderful arrangement. It calmed both of us when we needed it the most. It's a great idea."


	2. Chapter 2

Peeta stands to his feet, reaching down to help me up. Honestly, I just got very lucky. He could have easily gone into one of his fits, and if that had happened, where would we be? I'd probably be choked to death by now, with Peeta still smashing my face in. Either Haymitch or Greasy Sae would have found me, mangled with Peeta freaking out wondering what happened to me.

I shudder at the notion.

Peeta realizes that my thoughts are still dark, and nudges me with his elbow, "Katniss, are you okay?"

I turn my head to look up at him, and smile slightly, one of those reassuring smiles that I have faked so many countless times, "I'm fine. " I smirk, "Especially since you didn't try to kill me."

We begin to walk towards the kitchen as he frowns, "I'm getting better you know. Haymitch and Sae think I will be free of my more threatening flashbacks if we spend more time together. They tell me to watch videos of us in the games and how you saved me so many times. And when I nearly died and Finnick saved me. How happy you were I lived. When I actually think about you and put the facts together, I don't hate you anymore."

I ponder on his words as we walk slowly down the stairs, simultaneously reaching for one another's hand. Peeta does seem to be doing a lot better. I think I have just been too scared to be around him. Scared of what he may try to do to me and also scared to face the scars that have found a home on his body. It's like a mirror to me. I don't want to face what happened any more than I have to. But, we both have scars. Which means it's so much harder to not face the past. Because he is going through what I am. We both need comfort, and it seems we are the only ones able to help each other. When Greasy Sae and her granddaughter come over, they don't know how to begin to heal my wounds. Yes, they lost a lot. But nobody has been through what Peeta and I have been. Nobody that is left to tell about it.

Peeta pulls me into the kitchen after him, motioning me to sit down at the little table Sae set up for me to eat at. I still refuse to eat there, since I don't wish to be out of bed any longer than I have to be most days. You'd think being in bed so often would make me gain weight. If I actually made the effort to eat anything. The few times I went out in the woods depressed me more than I could bear.

Peeta already is making some eggs, as I continue to think in silence. He is so kind to me, even though I am ignoring him for all practical purposes. How have I not lost him already? How has he not left? Sure, he's probably not here for me, but he could have run in the opposite direction of me. Insisted he live elsewhere. But no. He's here, in my kitchen, making me breakfast when all I do is pretend he doesn't exist because it hurts too much to acknowledge his presence.

I blink to make sure he really is here. All the times I nearly lost him have taken their toll. I think to myself that perhaps waking up next to his warm body will help me. Suddenly, that feeling is back. The same feeling I felt in the games when I kissed him. Just the thought of waking up next to him thrills me. It may simply be because I haven't had much human contact in so long, but I find myself sure that if Greasy Sae cuddled up next to me in bed the last feeling I would have is thrill. Despite the fact she comes here daily and forces me to live.

Before I even know it, Peeta is placing a dish of eggs and bacon in front of me, wiping his hands on a cream colored towel and taking a seat across from me.

"Thank you." I whisper. I still haven't gotten used to talking in a normal tone.

Peeta nods, sitting back as he studies me, "You know, your hair is growing out more everyday."

I snicker. What difference does it make if I have hair? I'm still scarred. I'm still damaged. I'm still hideous. What good will hair do? "Thanks," I mutter rather snottily.

He just shrugs. He has a way of being indifferent to my bad attitude. I wonder how he ever loved me.

_Loved_, I think. Another past tense.

He suddenly jumps to his feet, gripping the table and gritting his teeth. I know what's happening, so I scramble to the other side of the room and fumble for the phone. I _need_ Haymitch to be awake. I need him to answer and come as quickly as he can. I press the speed dial. All I can do is hope he answers and hears and gets the idea.

"Katniss… Katniss run." Peeta growls out in warning.

I shake my head violently as I stand my ground, "No, Peeta. You can overcome this. You know the truth in your heart, Peeta. You know I'll never leave you." I move closer.

Peeta falls to his knees, fighting for control, "You left me in the last arena. You left me to be taken by the Capitol."

I approach him carefully, kneeling down near him, "No Peeta, remember I was just doing as told to help us win. I was trying to protect you." I place a hand on his shoulder gently.

Peeta lashes out and grabs my forearm, squeezing it hard, "You stupid mutt! You dirty, filthy mutt." He grabs my neck with his other hand, squeezing it just as hard.

I brace myself for his strength to snap my neck. Suffocate me. Something. But what he does takes me at more of a shock than any violence he could have committed against me.

His lips crush against mine, his anger and frustration heating the kiss. This isn't a kiss out of romance or love. It's one out of desperation and pleading. He bites my lip, drawing blood yet sending heated pulses throughout my whole body. I let my body melt, winding my arms loosely around his body. I allow myself to collapse to the floor, allowing him to see I am completely at his mercy. I am not going to fight back. I am still terrified he will kill me, but something tells me to let him ride this one out.

He follows me down, his lips softening and his grip loosening. His lips are now passionate rather than angry. He kisses me for a good minute, until his body falls beside mine.

We are both out of breath and exhausted, and he takes my hand in his and begins to caress it.

"I'm s-sorry," he pants.

I can feel the blood trickling down the side of my face, "It's okay, Peeta. You got through it by yourself. I'm so proud of you." I look over at him and brush a hair off his forehead.

He returns the gaze, "No, I didn't do it alone. You did exactly what I needed you to do. You stayed calm and relaxed. Thank you."

I smile lightly, wiping the blood off my lips as I sit up to lean over his face, "We got through it together. As we always do." I lean down to rest my lips upon his and I can feel him smiling against me.


	3. Chapter 3

He pulls back softly, a little furrow forming on his forehead, "Katniss-" He sits up slightly, "Katniss, what are we doing? We aren't acting for any cameras anymore."

I feel hurt bubbling in the back of my throat as I sharply am taken aback, "No, Peeta we're not. I thought we were friends."

Peeta rises to his feet, "Friends don't kiss, Katniss."

I spring to stand, forming fists with both hands beside my sides, "Excuse, me, Peeta, but you just were the first one to kiss me. I was kissing you because I wanted to let you know that it was okay you got control by kissing me. I wanted to comfort you."

Peeta furrowed his brow yet again, brushing dust off his sleeve, "Well, Katniss, as usual, I don't need your pity kisses. I'm not in love with you anymore."

This angers me to no end. I cannot believe he is still so hostile to me. I haven't exactly been cordial to him the last few days, but that's because I'm dealing with problems of my own. I am seeing now he will probably be another. And, of course, I've already agreed to allow him to sleep in my bed. Rather than responding to his snarky comment, I brush dirt off my olive green pants and stomp back up the stairs straight back to my bed. I realize hazily that I've worn the same clothes for the last four days. Since the last time I tried to go out into the woods. I flop into bed and pull the soft blankets up to my neck. Maybe staying in bed all day isn't the answer, but my blanket sure makes a nice shield from the real world.

Since the new Capitol has been trying to normalize the country, and turn it back to the North America it had been before, they have started making devices that were once known as cell phones for the general public to use. Peacekeepers and important people, along with the Capitol civilians had possessed these devices, but no normal member of the districts could have dreamt of owning one. Until now. Cell phone companies have already started manufacturing models, and I was given one to contact my family free of charge.

So, I wasn't surprised when my mother called me. The clear ringing resonated in the room, startling Buttercup and making him meow and hiss.

"It's okay, cat," I mumble as I reach for the phone on the bedside stand. I don't understand fully as to why I need a cell phone. I never go anywhere. And, it's not like I don't have a house phone. I guess it's good for emergencies, however.

I press the answer button, "Hello?"

I hear my mother's voice on the line, cheerier than usual, yet still with that tinge of pain around the edges, "Hi, Katniss. How are you faring today?"

I grumble and sigh, "How is anyone anymore?"

She lets out a quick breath, and I can tell she's biting back a comment that may sting, "Katniss, I really hope you are learning to overcome your problems. Gale is coming to visit District 12 next week. To survey what needs to be done, etc. He called me yesterday morning. He-he didn't tell me to mention it to you, but I assumed he would have wanted me to."

I growl, biting my lip, "Of course he wouldn't have wanted you to. He never even said goodbye to me or acted like he gave a shit."

"Language, young lady. I didn't call you to be cursed at."

I let out a sigh of defeat, "I'm sorry, Mom. It's just I don't wish to see him. That life is over with."

She groans, "Katniss, everything is not about you. He and a woman from 2 have struck a deal to get married. Merge their two families. Make the economy and government even stronger."

I am rather shocked by this statement, "Well, I can see he moved on from me already."

"You have Peeta, Katniss. What more of a man do you want?"

Her words really hit home. I do have Peeta. Peeta is kind and gentle and loving. The only dilemma is, he doesn't love me. And I don't see him ever taking that extra step back to me, "Mom, I don't really have Peeta. Not the way I used to. His mind is still affected and he flat out told me this morning that he doesn't love me."

My mother sounded very grieved by this, "_Oh, Katniss_. I am so sorry, sweetie. I had thought things would have improved by now, especially since Dr. Aurelius has been calling me to update and said that all Peeta seems to do is remember good things about you."

I cut her off, "Yes, Mom, but saying or thinking good things about someone doesn't equal love. He really hurt me today, Mom. I don't know when things will ever be the same. I wish they were, but I don't think that's even remotely possible."

"I understand, Katniss. Well, I'll talk to you later."

The phone hangs up. I can tell things are getting too serious to talk about, and I know she couldn't handle it anymore. It would have just been nice if she had told me she loved me. That would be nice to hear from anyone at this point. I drop the phone onto the floor, and pull the covers up over my head again. I was being 100% truthful in saying Peeta hurt me this morning. It was like a dagger to my heart, strangely enough. I didn't realize how much I care for Peeta until he said he no longer loves me.

I hear my door squeak open. I was unaware I'd even shut it.

"Katniss?" Peeta asks quietly as he pads over to the empty side of my bed, turning down the covers and slipping underneath them, "Katniss, I'm sorry I hurt you. The Capitol's creature was still coming out in me, I think." He snuggles up to my back, sending tingles of warmth to my tippy toes. It feels so good to have him hold me again.

I pretend to be asleep and just moan a little.

He kisses the nape of my neck and subconsciously, I think, thrusts his hips against my butt softly, rubbing himself against me. A very sharp tingle of warmth responds between my legs.

What is this game? He scolds me for kissing him, then he comes in and starts kissing my neck and thrusting against me? Maybe that was just instinct. I'm sure would have been mortified to know I was awake and felt him do it.

He wraps his arm over me, resting it on my belly. A few inches up, and he'd be touching my breast. A couple inches down, and he'd be touching my now wet warmth. My cheeks flushed. I was wet. If he felt that he may never sleep in my bed again. Would I even want him to after that level of embarrassment?

He groans a little groan of contentment, then we both drift off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

I wake to a familiar, yet agitating voice, "Well, well, sweetheart. What's all this?" Haymitch chuckles as he yanks the blanket off of us. What? Did he expect to find us naked?

I tell by his light-hearted attitude that he's already had some to drink. I wonder if we can ever help him out of that habit.

I instinctively curl up as he rips the blanket off, and Peeta grumbles, half asleep. I figured Haymitch would show up sooner or later when I made the call, but I quickly forgot I had even called him.

I cuddle closer to Peeta, then wave Haymitch out with one hand.

"Fine, fine lovebirds. I'm out." Haymitch snarls as he stomps away. That man could be a twenty horse stampede.

I drape an arm and leg over Peeta and reach down for the blanket. My hand brushes Peeta's butt and he wakes fully.

With a half smile, he kisses my forehead, "Good morning."

Since I'd draped my arm and leg over him, and we are facing one another, we are in a very intimate position. And it feels amazing.

I want to kiss him so badly, but I fear he will reject me. After earlier, I can't handle another rejection. It's obvious to me that he doesn't love me anymore. But to hear it from the lips I had just kissed was so much more devastating than I could have ever imagined. I study his creamy milk toned face. He is so beautiful. The chiseled features. The little blonde wisps escaping onto his forehead. The deep, blue eyes. The pale pink lips.

He must be studying me, too, since neither of us has spoken for what seems an eternity. I wonder if he is thinking about kissing me as well. Or maybe he's reading my thoughts and scoffing at me for being so much of a girl.

My eyelids begin to flutter shut. I'm still very tired.

I feel kisses on my eyelids. Soft, light kisses that feel like snowflakes when they touch your skin. The kisses move down my cheeks, over my lips, and down my neck. They stop just at the top of my shirt, even though I wish they would go farther. Under.

I open my eyes, moving ever closer to the boy with the bread.

"Katniss, may I kiss you more? Farther?" he asks so sweetly, eyes innocent yet curious.

I nod, thanking Heaven that he wanted to go farther.

He sucks softly on my ear before he kisses his way back down to my shirt, slipping his hand under it and then unbuttoning the top buttons.

"Katniss," he says between kisses, "Katniss, I still love you."

I sigh as his hands move down to lift my shirt up over my head. I am so worried he will see my scars and think I'm disgusting. Then he will really hate me. He couldn't possibly love me with the scars.

But, as the shirt leaves my body, he makes no implication of disgust or fear. He has the scars, too.

His lips close over my left nipple, and his tongue laves it.

I gasp, having never felt that sensation in my life. Is this really leading to where I think it is? Is it really? I am fairly certain Peeta is a virgin, and I know I am. Would sex even be plausible right now?

All thought and reason vanishes as his finger slide into my warm wetness. I hadn't even realized he was inching his way down.

"Oh, Peeta," I moan as my hips buck against his fingers sliding in and out of me.

He slips my pants down my legs, and I kick them off completely. He struggles out of his shirt and pants, settling back down next to me.

I reach between us, finding his hard, swollen member and stroking it softly. I don't want to hurt him and I know how delicate that area is for a man. I take some of the wetness dripping from between my legs and rub him with it.

He moans and seeks my lips with his. His tongue enters my mouth, playing with mine as he sighs and sucks on my lips.

Before I know it, he is on top of me, my legs spread apart and his throbbing manhood at my entrance.

My brain isn't even there to notice how fast things are moving. It is on vacation in that pool of warm feeling and bliss.

He separates his mouth from mine, "Are you ready?"

I half whisper, half pant, "Yes, Peeta."

He eases into me, trying to be careful since I'm sure he knows female virgins usually have painful first times.

But I feel no pain as he fills me. No sensation of being torn in any way. I suppose I probably lost whatever was there in all of the conflict I'd been through.

"Are you okay?" he pants. I can tell he is holding back, trying to let me adjust to his length deep inside me.

I nod, "Don't hold back, Peeta. It doesn't hurt." To show him I'm fine, I lift my hips up so he slides in deeper.

He takes my lips again, kissing me passionately as he pulls out and thrusts back in, at first slowly, but then growing in speed.

The room is filled with sounds of pleasure, groans mixed with sighs and sharp intakes of breath. I feel my walls begin to tighten, and my heart begin to race. His thrusts have become too fast for me to match, and I feel my pleasure building into the unknown. The wave of pleasure overcomes me, and I feel myself spasm around his hardness. One more deep thrust and I feel him spill his warm liquid into me. I feel our mixed fluids drip down my butt cheek.

We lay there for a few minutes, his now soft length still sheathed inside me. What had just happened?

Peeta rolls off of me, pulling the blanket over us and kissing my ear. I'm too exhausted to process what was going on, so I simply let my dreams overtake me as he snuggles up to my naked body.


	5. Chapter 5

I wake with the bed next to me empty. I have no idea what time of the day it is, since I'd neglected to put a clock on the bedside stand. I start to get up, and realize I'm naked. All the memories rush back to me, and I realize. I am no longer a virgin, and I'm 99% sure I regretted sleeping with Peeta.

He had said he loved me, but the problem is, no matter how deeply I care for him, I can't return his words. There are still so many things left unresolved in my life I can't be with someone romantically. Maybe the best thing to do is pretend nothing happened of any significance and go on as usual.

I slip a robe on and make my way down the stairs. I can tell Peeta is baking bread; the smell is delicious and I know it's nut bread.

A vision of a younger Peeta throwing me burned bread flashes before my eyes. He is still taking care of me.

He hears the disturbance in the silence and turns to smile at me widely, "Oh, Katniss, you look radiant," he comes to me with arms extended, "Come here." His arms wrap around me and I embrace him back stiffly. It's best to pretend us having sex never happened. I have nothing to offer him and he would do well to find a more suitable girl. Someone who didn't trigger flashbacks that made him want to kill her.

"Peeta-I-"

He cuts me off, backing away and pointing to the table, "There's bacon and eggs and cheese buns on the table, and I have nut bread baking now. That should be done soon. Then, we can head down to the importer and get some meat."

I take a large breath, "I would rather go out hunting today, Peeta, if that's alright with you."

He looks a little bewildered at first, then hangs the bowl on the chair, placing his hands on his hips, "Well, of course, Katniss. I think it would be good for you to get out and get some fresh air."

I nod vacantly, grabbing a cheese bun, ripping it apart, and eating it in pieces as I meander around the pastel yellow kitchen.

The act of ripping the bun apart reminds me of dunking pieces of roll in hot chocolate. I begin to crave chocolate.

I finish the cheese bun in silence, then make my way to the door and slip my boots on and grab my bow. I really needed to get out and think more than anything. Peeta and I had had sex, and I know I wasn't ready and it was simply the need of closeness to somebody, anybody, that made me so desperate enough to have sex with him. Except if I were to tell him that, it would most certainly break his heart. He gave me everything and I hold his delicate heart in the palm of my hand.

As I'm walking through the woods, I think of Gale. Every time I come out here I wish he was with me. Not even because I care to be around him. Just so things can feel somewhat normal again. But what is normal? The games killing 24 children a year? Why do I long for such a dark normal? Perhaps because then Prim was alive. I was simply a girl who provided for her family. A girl with meaning in her life. Now all I am is an empty shell, void of purpose or happiness.

Every time Prim got a new meal placed in front of her that I caught or gathered or shot or traded for, her face lit up like I'd just given her a million dollars. She was so young and innocent, and in a way murdered by the games anyway. I didn't protect her like I should have. By my volunteering, it started the spiral of events that would eventually lead to her death. Either way the 74th Hunger Games killed her. Took away the young promising life she should have had. I will never forgive myself for letting her slip away. I wonder often if the revolution was worth it. I think it would take 2,000 more Hunger Games to kill off the amount of people who lost their lives in the war. Daily life hasn't really changed. This country is now so desolate many are still starving. Yes, we are free, but how long can that last? History is known for recycling itself.

I go to our usual spot. I breathe in, closing my eyes. When I open them, I nearly jump out of my skin. I think I need to call Dr. Aurelius when I reach home.

Gale sits down next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders, "Hey, Catnip."


End file.
